The Propaganda of Feminine Energy

"Soft, caring, and nurturing" should describe a well-developed human, not just a woman.

The dangerous siren lure of the divine feminine

Yet again, I have found myself falling for TikTok philosophers who propagate the idea of an inherently feminine energy. Ever since I saw the topic dominate the social media landscape over the last couple of years, I have been on a quest to tap into my inherent feminine energy, becoming softer and more agreeable. In trying to meet my fellows with more compassion and less of a passive-aggressive tone at the slightest inconvenience (like my road rage when I haven't hit a curb in a while, and I, all of a sudden, feel like Lewis Hamilton), I have come to a revelatory conclusion.

The traits traditionally attributed to feminine energy are those of kind adults that people want to be surrounded by. Gentle, caring, and empathetic are not the makings of a woman in touch with her femininity, but of an adult who is well-equipped to co-live with other people in harmony. This led me to question if we, as women, continue to insist on the propaganda of feminine energy exclusive to us, can we be surprised at the continuous rise in conservative men, as they reevaluate "male energy"?

What does it mean to be feminine? What does it mean to be masculine? Anthropologists agree that there is no universal answer to this (saying this as someone who studied it and desperately tries to get some use out of that degree). It all depends on the cultural context, and even then, notions of femininity and masculinity are subject to change constantly. As it stands, the significant gender issues of our time, at least in the West, are about identity as it relates to power. In other words, we focus on gender as if it were something that can be fulfilled, or "gender-maxxed", so that we can achieve a level of standing at work, dating, and friendships. For example, a man over 6ft with a six-figure job receives the social messaging that he has gender-maximised masculinity, and therefore, has more power.

Nara Smith does not check all the boxes of femininity because she makes her husband doughnuts from scratch, and neither does the man mentioned above. In fact, femininity and masculinity are not as easily quantifiable. If it were, how do we delineate where femininity starts and masculinity ends? When women shave, it is to appear more feminine, but for men, shaving is definitively masculine. One might argue that shaving legs versus chin hair makes the difference, and yet I do both as a woman. How can the activity result in a more fulfilled femininity, while it also supports masculinity in men, at the same time?

Not only is it difficult to delineate what activities constitute femininity and masculinity, but it becomes increasingly more complicated with regard to character traits. Why are attributes such as caring, gentle, soft, agreeable, domestic, and nurturing part of an inherent female energy? Personally, when I think of traits desirable in a male partner, those are all qualities I would prioritise. In combination with strength and leadership, both qualities I also possess, these traits would even render the potential partner more masculine in my eyes. This makes me think that in today's world of shifting gender roles, inherent femininity and masculinity have nothing to do with traditionally gender confined activities nor attributes. This is why I argue that feminine energy is a form of propaganda.

Yet, here I am working on these exact characteristics to fulfil my "inherent feminine energy". Admittedly, they are noble traits to aspire to, and I will continue to strive for them. However, I would like all people, men included, to aspire to become caring, gentle, soft, agreeable, domestic, and nurturing. The same applies to traditionally considered "male energy" traits and behaviours, such as leadership, strength, resilience, and protection. There have been moments in my life that have required me to be stricter, harsher, less agreeable, and more decisive. In no way would I give up my femininity in doing so. If women were considered masculine for being strict, less agreeable, and more decisive, then why does motherhood, arguably one of the most traditionally feminine acts, rely on these exact traits?

It seems to me that basing feminine energy and masculine energy on our attributes and behaviours is unfounded. Instead, I would utilise relevant characteristics at my disposal, regardless of gender, to master a given circumstance.

The importance of this conversation about the propaganda of feminine energy is detrimental to the relationship between men and women, whether that be romantic, platonic, or familial. If actions of service are ordained as exclusively feminine and physical prowess and money solely as masculine, then we raise socially incompatible people. While these norms may have had a function in previous times, nowadays, it is unlikely that one salary can support a family. In most cases, a two-person income is a prerequisite for a home, rendering women as financial contributors often equal to men. This equality rarely translates to domestic labour, historically coined as "feminine work". Statistically, this is why married women with children rank as less happy than married men.

As is becoming increasingly evident with each statistical report, fewer people are getting married or choosing to have children, resulting in a rapidly declining birthrate. There are several reasons for this, and I won't go into detail for each one. However, I will argue that one of the reasons men and women are more divided than ever is partially due to this insistence on gender-maxxing.

As people, we are doing ourselves a disservice by hyperfocusing on inherent gender identity because it exaggerates its importance to social functions and distracts from the much more critical issue of how we become well-rounded adults.

Remember in High School Literature class, when we were taught how to analyse characters in a story. On the one hand, there were flat, static characters with one or two traits that remained the same throughout the entire book. On the other hand, there were well-rounded, dynamic characters who underwent an arc of change as the story developed, revealing multi-dimensional sides of themselves. Similarly, the hyperfocus on fulfilling inherent gender ideals results in individuals who are flat and static. If you are so rigid with the ways of being, confining yourself to half the tools available for a successful life, then you are certainly not the main character of even your own story.

Never mind what it means to be a man or a woman, focus on what it means to be a good human being that other people want to be around. Open yourself up to the possibility of gentle and harsh, caring and strict, and become a well-rounded, dynamic person.

All of this is not to say femininity and masculinity do not exist. Personally, I base my femininity on appearance, such as when I take care of my hair, apply makeup, and dress in a certain way. This is obviously subjective, and for everyone to decide for themselves. I have female friends who would define femininity differently for themselves, and that's most welcome. This article's intention is not to ordain what someone should consider as feminine or masculine. The purpose behind my argument is to reveal the fickleness, the incongruity, and the fragile concept of what TikTok & co have coined as "inherent feminine energy".

When I wake up in the morning, I don't feel the need to fulfil my femininity, as I just am. This might be a very cisgender approach, and I am aware of it, but it is my lived experience. Instead, it is more pertinent for me to focus on acquiring characteristics that will enhance my life, relationships, and so on, regardless of how it might affect the pursuit of "gender-maxxing".

My argument is not whether femininity and masculinity exist, but rather, I want to reframe how they exist, namely, by rejecting the idea of inherentness. I believe it would be beneficial to the development of relational skills between men and women to separate an inherent gender identity from personality traits or activities. Shaving, contributing financially, helping out around the house, and offering warmth are neither male nor female roles. Public discourse on individual freedoms of expression needs to shift from gender to personality, as only one of these is quantifiable.

Once the public discourse on social media moves past this idea, my hope is that men and women alike will look to these traits without apprehension of forfeiting their natural gender, and as a result, become more well-rounded adults who are better fit for relationships, ensuing a more unified public as opposed to the divided demographics quarrelling today.