Body Positivity as a State of Mind
- Apr 7, 2025
- 7 min read
Updated: May 8, 2025
It took me a while to fully embrace and define the Body Positivity movement. If the movement tells you that any size and shape is beautiful, only for you to look in the mirror and disagree, adopting Body Positivity as a state of mind proves difficult. As someone who has struggled with weight my entire life, two principal questions arise: Is it possible to change your notion of beauty, and how does one effectively alter their perception to be more inclusive of themselves?
It is important to note that your notion of beauty is never completely of your own making. The frequency of certain images circulated and presented as beautiful can directly affect what we come to understand as beautiful. On top of that, conversations and discussions about pretty people have the same effect. For instance, when we repeatedly see models being interviewed and introduced as gorgeous, or magazine articles ask about their beauty tricks, we subconsciously accept this as a reality.
This process works in reverse, too. When certain aesthetics, facial features, hair types, body shapes, etc., are omitted from the public discourse on beauty and addressed in ways to change them (e.g., use this hair lotion for straighter hair, this contouring technique for a snatched face, and this exercise for a big bum), we also learn to understand what the absence of beauty looks like. Essentially, beauty is a social construct built on the trends of our time.
This explains why, in previous centuries, curvier women were the epitome of an ideal body shape, for it demonstrated health and fertility at a time when food was scarce. Even currently, a multitude of beauty ideals can coexist in different parts of the world. For example, Salma Hayek talked about being considered "on the verge of chubbiness" in the US, whereas in Mexico, her body type is quite skinny. Beauty standards vary based on time, place, culture, climate and geography, even. This means that there is no universal constant. Indeed, beauty ideals are constantly subject to change and being redefined.
To revert to my initial question, yes, it is possible to change your notion of beauty. When I asked my mom, a trained and certified Life and Mental Coach, how to rewire your brain to accept your body, especially if it does not fit the image of beauty we are inundated with, she said the following: Don't underestimate the power of example!
All you need to do is look for inspiration elsewhere. To give a personal example, I am 5ft or 150 cm, and I used to hate my height. If I were going to keep paying attention to Victoria's Secret Angels and the fashion world, in general, I wouldn't be inspired to feel better. But, I consciously looked at actresses, singers, and other public figures who were as short as I am and still looked beautiful. Thank you again, Salma Hayek. You walked so Sabrina Carpenter could run. Another example would be how I never liked my natural curls growing up because I was the only one who had them, and no one could teach me how to take care of them properly. The minute I paid more attention to Beauty YouTubers who shared their Curly Girl Methods than to celebrities with sleek, straight hair, the more I learnt to appreciate my natural hair.
The same method can be applied to body positivity, and this is where representation matters the most. If the mainstream body makes you feel bad about yourself, then direct your attention to the alternative bodies similar to your natural shape and focus on what makes them beautiful. A couple of influencers completely changed how I think about being mid-size (@mayridts is a great example). Another friend of mine didn't like her small boobs. After a Charlotte Cardin concert that she attended, she observed how even a successful singer's body looked just like hers. When my friend looked at the singer performing on stage, she thought Charlotte radiated beauty. This experience allowed my friend to give herself more grace and look at herself in the same adoring light through which she admired the singer.
Another tool to put yourself into a body-positive state of mind, according to my mom, is to get perspective. Not to sound too harsh, but wars are happening in the world. People are dying, and I am critical of my FUPA. This is not to say our negative feelings about our bodies are illegitimate; I am not suggesting you gaslight yourself. I am saying, however, that not all of our feelings have to be given our time of day. Yes, my muffin top is visible no matter what I wear, and it bothers me more often than not. All I can do is watch what I eat and stick to a workout regimen, but that won't solve the problem overnight. If I cannot do anything in the next 24 hours to make it disappear entirely, why waste time obsessing over how bad it looks for an entire day? Do I really want to give a piece of meat this much power over my mood and disposition? America and Russia are mimicking 20th-century autocratic patterns, and I'm just supposed to spend my days drowning in insecurity? Wouldn't that just be so convenient for them...
There is a brilliant interview with Emma Thompson that came across my feed one day and completely changed my perspective. In it, she states how wasteful it is for women to constantly worry about the way they look, especially regarding their bodies. Men don't worry to such an extent and thrive because of it. Just think of all the potential, the energy, and the attention that is lost and can never be reclaimed by anxiously worrying and fidgeting with the imperfection of our bodies. And now think of where all of this energy could have been funnelled into instead. Maybe to enrich the relationships in our lives? To advance our careers? To help others in some way? To find peace within ourselves? To worry about actual injustices and feel like we still have the energy to fight them?
This take on how overworrying about our bodies negatively impacts our mood and disposition, emphasises the urgency for learning to love our bodies. We need to free up our resources for something more productive. For example, if you wanted to change your body, lose, gain weight, or get lean, adopting a body positive state of mind is paramount to success. I have heard a lot of people in diet culture talk about how the frustration and loathing they felt towards their bodies fuelled their motivation to change.
From personal experience, I vehemently disagree. Self-loathing only fuels further frustration and anger, breeding impatience and disappointment in yourself when you cannot meet the time pressure. I have never lost a gram under that approach, but I have lost consistency and given up prematurely. The more often you give up on goals you set for yourself, the more tarnishing for your self-esteem. The opposite holds true as well, so with the patience that self-acceptance brings with it, you are much more likely to set yourself smaller, more realistic and sustainable goals you can actually meet. As a result, your self-esteem is built up again, and over time, you will see the physical effects you desire, too. Most importantly, body positivity is not an excuse to stay complacent and lazy, or to force the world into accepting your notion of beauty any more than you needn't accept theirs.
All of this is easier said than done. It takes a concerted effort to rewire your thoughts to think positively while constantly flooded with its contradictions. One Vogue Get Ready With Me video of EmRata saying she doesn't work out and eats burgers whenever she wants can already disrupt my body-positive mindset. Because it takes me five gym sessions a week, a dairy and sugar-reduced diet to still look like Winnie the Pooh in a crop top!
Here comes a decisive moment: it does not do to dwell on EmRata's favouritism from God and feel sorry for me. Because it would not improve a thing for me, nor worsen anything for her. All it would cause is resentment and jealousy on my part, and that is not a cute look. Jiggly I might be, but you won't catch me being a hater, too.
When a moment of doubt does occur, which is inevitably human, I always think of something my mom told me, "Don't cause yourself emotional wounds by thinking attacks on yourself" EmRata did not attack me, but I would compromise any sense of body positivity by comparing myself to her. If I did, I would cause myself more harm than Emrata's video, making myself my own enemy.
In essence, body positivity as a state of mind is a daily choice you have to make. You don't just wake up one day and decide to like yourself. Instead, you consistently train your thoughts to focus on what makes you feel good. If you look out for positive representation, like I do with Salma Hayek and my friend did with her favourite singer, you will find validation for your bodily existence. If you're looking for trouble, you will find that too, so choose wisely what you pay attention to. Keep in mind, body positivity can not only help you accept yourself for how you look now, but it can also bridge the gap to your ideal self, too. And for the love of all bodies, remember perspective and know that, while it is valid to feel insecure about your body because it does not look the way you would want it to, somebody out there is going to watch Martin Scorsese's 3-hour long "Killers of the Flower Moon" without bringing a neck pillow.
If you manage to train yourself into this kind of mentality, at some point, it will become second nature to watch EmRata and think "good for her" but otherwise remain unbothered. Because one woman's beauty is not your lack thereof.
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